JOY’S JOURNEY.
...By Joy Lane
Looking back, I had an isolated childhood. I feel now that even as a young child I had a sense of depressive feelings, but of course being so young I did not recognise them for what they were at the time. For much of my childhood my mum was ill with severe asthma: I remember, from around eight years old, I had to hold my mum’s arm whilst she had her injections. I was also needed to help my dad to look after the house and do the dinner. Due to these responsibilities, I couldn’t go out to play with other children in the normal way: nowadays, I would be what you would call a ‘Young Carer’. Consequently, I was very shy and didn’t make friends easily at school. To make matters worse I was singled out and teased by the other children as due to a delicate stomach I had to eat a special light diet.
I married young, and had a daughter soon afterwards and later on a son. Again, in retrospect I think I suffered from post-natal depression, but this was not picked up. My mum died from bronchial asthma when I was 24 years old. This bereavement hit me as my mum was like a best friend to me and had been a great support in helping to look after my two young children.
My marriage broke up in the late 80’s, following which I divorced, my dad died (and a beloved pet dog and I moved into a flat on my own, all within a three month period. I found it very hard to adjust to living on my own, what with the loneliness and trying to make ends meet. After a while, I managed to find and hold down a steady job as a sales assistant at Debenhams. I worked there for eleven years, but in 2000 I was forced to give up work as I started to experience panic attacks. Debenhams were a sympathetic employer and I was well regarded there because of my length of service. They kept my job open for me for two years, but unfortunately I was never well enough to return to work there.
In addition to the panic attacks, I began experiencing periods of being excitable and restless (doing decorating in the early hours of the morning and the like) followed by others of feeling everything was “black”. I consulted my G.P. initially who was unhelpful. I was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants which I found ineffective. This early mis-diagnosis had a profoundly negative effect on me and as the medication regime I was put on didn’t help, I was increasingly frightened and couldn’t understand what was happening to me.
My condition continued to deteriorate and I was suffering from severe anxiety, paranoia and both agoraphobic and claustrophobic feelings. I ‘holed up’ at home and refused to answer the phone. During the course of 2000, I eventually saw a number of different psychiatrists and was tried on a variety of different medications for the treatment of depression. Despite these interventions my condition got worse and worse, I had absolutely no self-confidence and felt completely drained of emotion. In addition,, I still had money worries. Eventually I reached my lowest point: lying in bed all day, not eating, neglecting myself and my home. I often felt suicidal. Unable to cope on my own, I was taken in by an aunt with whom I stayed for six months. My daughter was particularly supportive during this very difficult time, taking on extra responsibilities and adopting the ‘mothering’ role. She ‘pushed’ me to do things, which did me good, but it must have been hard for her to do. I still had no loving feelings towards my family, which was alien to my normally affectionate nature. This upset me greatly, as I couldn’t understand why I felt like this.
By the end of 2000, I had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a short period and subsequently referred to a local Day Centre for Occupational Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. However, I feel that the real turning point came when I was referred to yet another new psychiatrist. Finally, I had found one who really listened to me! He altered my diagnosis to bi-polar disorder, and as a result I was put on mood stabiliser medication in 2004.
I was originally referred to Southend MIND (Southend District Mental Health Association) for community support in November 2001. At that time I was still suffering from severe anxiety and self-isolating behaviour. Throughout 2002 I received one-to-one support and was gradually introduced to the Association’s Women’s Group. Little by little this consistent support helped me to develop my self confidence to the point where I was able to travel independently (just to and from the Women’s Group initially) for the first time in many years.
Getting my illness correctly diagnosed eventually and being established on the right medication as a result, coupled with my growing involvement with the Women’s Group, where I could make friends with people who understood and develop a social network, has really turned my life around. With help, I have sorted out my money worries and now feel secure financially. I have a nice home which I value, and own a beautiful dog who is a wonderful companion to me. My relationships with my family have really improved and I can enjoy being close to my grandchildren.
I now lead a busy life! I have done voluntary work at a local charity shop for Cancer Research and fund-raising for the PDSA. I also won an award for fund-raising for the Tsunami Disaster Appeal. I do aqua-fit with friends, and help to arrange social activities for the Women’s Group. I am a representative on the local Women’s Mental Health Service Users Forum where I am now confident and assertive enough to stand up and speak out about my experiences of mental ill health. I want to help encourage others who are still struggling, not to despair; and to contribute to better informing the understanding of professionals.
I undertake training with the ‘Sunrise’ Service Users Network and am learning Spanish at Adult Education classes. I have completed a Volunteers Induction Programme with the Association and trained as a Befriender with Rethink ‘Good Companions’. With the Association I am going into schools and colleges through their Young Persons Service, and talking to students about my experiences to help discourage stigma and discrimination and give young people an understanding of mental health issues. As a Befriender, I am just about to be matched up with someone who feels will benefit from befriending support, which I am really pleased about.
My family, especially my daughter, are very proud of me and all I have achieved. They know what a struggle it was to overcome my illness, and how much will power and determination I needed to find to ‘push myself to get better. I feel proud of myself too.
I know what its like to feel you have nothing to live for, as if you are in a deep hole and trying to climb out, but always falling back down. There was a time when I couldn’t imagine that I would ever get better, or see any light at the end of the tunnel. Now, at last, I feel that I have everything to live for and can look forward positively to the future.
As told to Angela Garrard, Southend MIND.
Southend District Mental Health Association.
...By Joy Lane
Looking back, I had an isolated childhood. I feel now that even as a young child I had a sense of depressive feelings, but of course being so young I did not recognise them for what they were at the time. For much of my childhood my mum was ill with severe asthma: I remember, from around eight years old, I had to hold my mum’s arm whilst she had her injections. I was also needed to help my dad to look after the house and do the dinner. Due to these responsibilities, I couldn’t go out to play with other children in the normal way: nowadays, I would be what you would call a ‘Young Carer’. Consequently, I was very shy and didn’t make friends easily at school. To make matters worse I was singled out and teased by the other children as due to a delicate stomach I had to eat a special light diet.
I married young, and had a daughter soon afterwards and later on a son. Again, in retrospect I think I suffered from post-
My marriage broke up in the late 80’s, following which I divorced, my dad died (and a beloved pet dog and I moved into a flat on my own, all within a three month period. I found it very hard to adjust to living on my own, what with the loneliness and trying to make ends meet. After a while, I managed to find and hold down a steady job as a sales assistant at Debenhams. I worked there for eleven years, but in 2000 I was forced to give up work as I started to experience panic attacks. Debenhams were a sympathetic employer and I was well regarded there because of my length of service. They kept my job open for me for two years, but unfortunately I was never well enough to return to work there.
In addition to the panic attacks, I began experiencing periods of being excitable and restless (doing decorating in the early hours of the morning and the like) followed by others of feeling everything was “black”. I consulted my G.P. initially who was unhelpful. I was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-
My condition continued to deteriorate and I was suffering from severe anxiety, paranoia and both agoraphobic and claustrophobic feelings. I ‘holed up’ at home and refused to answer the phone. During the course of 2000, I eventually saw a number of different psychiatrists and was tried on a variety of different medications for the treatment of depression. Despite these interventions my condition got worse and worse, I had absolutely no self-
By the end of 2000, I had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a short period and subsequently referred to a local Day Centre for Occupational Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. However, I feel that the real turning point came when I was referred to yet another new psychiatrist. Finally, I had found one who really listened to me! He altered my diagnosis to bi-
I was originally referred to Southend MIND (Southend District Mental Health Association) for community support in November 2001. At that time I was still suffering from severe anxiety and self-
Getting my illness correctly diagnosed eventually and being established on the right medication as a result, coupled with my growing involvement with the Women’s Group, where I could make friends with people who understood and develop a social network, has really turned my life around. With help, I have sorted out my money worries and now feel secure financially. I have a nice home which I value, and own a beautiful dog who is a wonderful companion to me. My relationships with my family have really improved and I can enjoy being close to my grandchildren.
I now lead a busy life! I have done voluntary work at a local charity shop for Cancer Research and fund-
I undertake training with the ‘Sunrise’ Service Users Network and am learning Spanish at Adult Education classes. I have completed a Volunteers Induction Programme with the Association and trained as a Befriender with Rethink ‘Good Companions’. With the Association I am going into schools and colleges through their Young Persons Service, and talking to students about my experiences to help discourage stigma and discrimination and give young people an understanding of mental health issues. As a Befriender, I am just about to be matched up with someone who feels will benefit from befriending support, which I am really pleased about.
My family, especially my daughter, are very proud of me and all I have achieved. They know what a struggle it was to overcome my illness, and how much will power and determination I needed to find to ‘push myself to get better. I feel proud of myself too.
I know what its like to feel you have nothing to live for, as if you are in a deep hole and trying to climb out, but always falling back down. There was a time when I couldn’t imagine that I would ever get better, or see any light at the end of the tunnel. Now, at last, I feel that I have everything to live for and can look forward positively to the future.
As told to Angela Garrard, Southend MIND.
Southend District Mental Health Association.
<Close>
